Friday, April 1
past memories replaying in my head.
darkness comes frequently these few days
afraid of the things i'll have to face
hidden in this confined room with no one to turn to
sometimes i wonder how i'll ever make it through
with this darkness comes my loneliness
it's a package, making me feel worthless
i find myself crying to sleep every night
hidden behind this mask, away from your sight
some nights i run away, for miles
some days, i fill with plastic smiles.
some how, nothing makes this fade away
nothing helps me get through the day
and i feel myself becoming nothing
after all these years, i've been fighting.
i now give in to the emptiness deep within
determination to fight it now becomes a sin.
rene [11:59 PM]
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___make a wish___*
Friday, March 11
so the story goes...
i just cannot be bothered anymore. really.
everything is so screwed up. but well it'll be fine soon.
i know it will be coz it always is.
but i wanna thank everyone who's been there for me.
i dont know where i'd be without you guys.
people like daryl, trish, hui min, bong, lucas, denis, alethea.
i love you guys! i really do.
and sometimes, if i ever vent my anger at you guys, i'm sorry.
my friends right now are the best things that have ever happened to me.
i never wanted things to be like this.
i never thought i'd even be in this position.
but i guess everything happens for a reason and i just gotta deal with it huh?
whatever happens, i love my life, family and friends.
and i mean it. even tho nothing is ever perfect.
ah well, life goes on dont it?
rene [10:25 AM]
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___make a wish___*
Tuesday, March 1
fading away
i'm fading away once again to the serenity deep within. i hear voices and things. they're calling my name. i refuse to answer them. i'm in my own little world running fast away from everything. running fast till everything fades away. i hate the pain. i hate the fights. i hate everything bad that goes around and comes shooting straight at me.
then i stop running. i see you. and everything just fades away faster than anything i've ever known. you, just being there has managed to help me pull through. i dont feel pain or hate or anything anymore. not when you're around.
but you've been gone for so long that i'm fading away once again. and i'll continue to fade till i see you again.
but you have to know how much i miss you. you have to know how much it hurt when i lost your picture. it was crumpled for a reason. it was in my wallet for a reason. everything has a reason.
there's also a reason why you left. tho i dont know why it is right now.
coz i wanted you here.
but i'm not fading anymore. i'm not crying anymore. i miss you. but it doesnt hurt that much anymore. i know i'll see you again some day. so i'll just be waiting till that day.
rene [3:02 PM]
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___make a wish___*
Saturday, February 19
so you're leaving once again.
i think in the past 2 months, i lost about 50 bucks. maybe more maybe less. but it was all for fun anyway. haha. tho the feeling did suck sometimes.
haha. boy do i remember always crying when you left. and when we did when we visited you. but now, i've realised, i prolly wont cry anymore coz i know we'll always meet again. and we'll always hear from you anyway. so there's always a we'll see you again.
so time ran out on me YET again. and i guess it'll always happen.
haha.
okay. enough of nonsense.
rene [9:27 PM]
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___make a wish___*
Monday, February 14
my weekend
haha. guess how i spent my weekend?
saturday was dinner at aloy's. for vday. hahaha. it was so nice.
a small bouquet of flowers. 3 roses. and dinner.
cooked by them!! (:
then,
i relived my childhood. hahaha. it was so fun. we went to the playground at 401.
the things there was just so fantastic.
there was stuff that made you go dizzy. you just spin around and around and around.
we had so much fun that everything just faded away.
all the hurt and pain and everything would just fade away. and you'll just be happy.
even if it's just for a moment.
it was fantastic.
haha. and then it's back to normal school life all over again.
ah well...
happy valentine's day to one and all. (:
rene [10:22 PM]
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___make a wish___*
Saturday, February 12
the broken promise
the roses are dead .
the flame's dying out.
the love's almost gone.
i can feel the tears coming.
you promised to be there.
you told me you cared.
where are you now?
now that i'm all alone.
i feel betrayed and hurt
bt all you've said and done
has it been a lie all along
or was it the truth once before?
okay. i dont know what that's abt. haha. just felt like writing sth.
does anyone know where to find a really nice THICK book?
i'm in need of one.
rene [2:02 PM]
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___make a wish___*
Wednesday, February 9
time.
time.
it seems to be catching up on me.
it seems to be running my life.
life.
one word but so many meanings to it
seems pointless living sometimes.
that came out quite nicely dint it? haha. ah well. just another bunch of words that came into my head at random.
i feel so dead right now.
i really have a lot to do. but just cant be bothered to or i dont have the time to do so.
like how i wish i went with them 2 days ago to visit the only person whom i can still cry over to this day.
Happy Chinese New Year to those who celebrate it, then.
i'm off.
rene [8:05 PM]
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___make a wish___*
